Wanted! A Jail.
If there is one thing more than another needed in this county, aside from money and morale, it is unquestionably a County Jail; a place where the raving victims of alcohol may find rest and repose. We want a place built that will hold the stoutest and strongest, so that when these offensively hideous midnight can-cans and Caucasian howls occur, the sheriff or constable may step up to the offending party, hook on to his ear, and say, here young man, or you 'old sardine,' as the case may be, I want you to go long with me up to the loon-stick asylum where there is bed enough and to spare, and where you can find rest for your weary-worn limbs, sore feet, and whisky tuned vocal organs. The good people of Harrisville and the other towns of the county have borne with this howling business until forbearance has ceased to be a virtue, and finally have arrived at that era of progression in life where they find it necessary to say 'let us have peace!' And now, being aware of the fact that they have children who are growing up in the presence and hearing of these patterns of gonglomernied dissipation, and that the influence is bad, inconceivably bad, this county people would humbly but earnestly petition ye Board of County Fathers (L. R. Dorr, Chairman), that ye will immediately appropriate an amount sufficient to build a place of safety, where may be ensconced the 'devil and his angels' when they get noisy and naughty and go about the streets annoying the good people who love law and order. O, ye County Fathers! be pleased to grant this little boon, and ye shall be exalted among the highest of earth. And your petitioners will ever pay.